Thursday, July 9, 2009

Into Seoul



June 16, 1988
Part I

The first stop was to visit the agency office. This was where our paperwork was processed, where social workers matched us with our families and where many of us were relinquished. Needless to say, it would be significant for us all.

When we arrived, we were greeted by the entire staff. A few of the office staff and social workers had been with the agency for many years. Some had to have been there when many of us left. It's hard to imagine how a staff member must feel to see the "children" who left Korea many years ago and then to meet them as young adults, as Americans.

We toured the building and during the tour, we saw many foster mothers with their little ones. It was amazing to see these women caring for these children. It was and still is common for a foster family to have a baby from very soon after birth until departure to his/her new homeland. They are truly wonderful people and I can say that the foster mother of our daughter cared and loved her as if she was her own.

While we were in a waiting area, several of us noticed a few pregnant women. Someone asked an office staff person if these women would be placing their children with the agency for adoption. In fact, many of us just assumed that this was the case. The worker explained that these women were going to be adoptive mothers and they wore prosthetic stomachs to give the appearance of being pregnant. They had all sizes of "bellies" to show the different growth stages of pregnancy. Most likely, these women were coming in to exchange their belly for a larger model.

Whoa. We really weren't aware that this took place. It was explained that adoption in general was not socially accepted. If a couple wanted a child and couldn't conceive one on their own, then they would pursue adoption privately. Very privately. Usually, the husband and wife would not even share this with their own parents. So, we were told that when an adoptive couple was matched with a baby, the adoptive parents would tell their other family members that they were going to take a "vacation" or have some reason to go out of town. While on vacation, the mother allegedly went into labor and had the child. This allowed the couple to bring their adopted child home without raising any questions or suspicions. There are several reasons for this, but a major one was due to the family registry practice.

Under the Family Registry Law, a newly born child was registered to the family under the paternal side (Hoju system or head of the family system based on Confucian ideals). Adopted children had no rights under this practice. For many conservatives, adopted children would not be of the same bloodline and therefore, they would not be listed in the family registry. Since January 2008, a new law was put into place that changed the family registry to an individual registry. Not only was this to benefit an adopted child, but it was also designed to equalize the differences that existed between men and women under the old law.

Campaigns to promote adoption have blanketed the country within the last few years. Korea's birth rate was one of the lowest in the world (2006, South Korea's National Statistical Office) and has been on the decline since the 1970s. That said, the government realized that taking measures to increase domestic adoption would help maintain its population level. Moreover, Korea has always been forthcoming about their goal to eliminate foreign adoption and it seems that it might be close to reaching that goal in the near future.

4 comments:

StarWarsFans said...

Whoa. My jaw about hit the floor when I read about the adoptive mothers pretending to be pregnant. I had no idea that happened either. I'm so glad the Family Registry laws have been changed and I hope adoptive families are more forthcoming about the way they build their families now.

Unknown said...

Less sophisticated and maybe more surreptitious, Russian women who can't become pregnant often will stuff pillows, etc., under their clothes to get a pregnant look. The friend I helped adopt from there was told there’s a significant stigma about couples who cannot have their own biological children, so women fake pregnancies, go out of town and adopt. We were told that's also why there are very few actual infants for adoption by foreigners - they are adopted and presented as biological by Russians. I didn't hear anything about a Family Registry though.

This is a great blog, Lori!

OramHouse said...

This may be odd, but I saw your blog in the comments of the woman who is researching mommy blogs. My sister is adopted from Korea, as well as her child hood friend. I forwarded your blog to them because I think they will find it interesting/and/or helpful. I just read through it and really enjoyed reading, so I will also check in from time to time to read more! -Kaci

dlmiller123 said...

My mom's friend, who is Korean, just told her Korean-born daughter that she was adopted. I think she's around 40 yrs old. Needless to say, the adopted daughter's world was turned upside down and her relationship with her mother is very shaky now. I can't imagine what either one of them is going through, but it's too bad that Koreans of her Mom's generation had to hide such a fundamental piece of a person's identity.